Reclaiming Self-Care
Google the phrase “self-care” and you will scroll through websites selling spa treatments, face masks, juice cleanses, and exercise classes. There is no denying the surging popularity of the concept of self-care since the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election. The graph below from Google Trends depicts the rising popularity of the concept.
While the movement to “treat yourself” is intended to help us enjoy life more, it is glaringly hyper-individualized, driven by capitalistic profit-making, and centered on affluent and white experiences of wellness that are inaccessible to many people. The flaws of the growing self-care machine have been previously discussed and documented, as well as the significant shift away from its historical, radical, and political roots in Black and women’s liberation movements.
I approach this topic of self-care as a survivor of trauma and someone who is frustrated with how we socially construct “wellness” in ways that marginalize and bar people with less access to financial resources. In my social work practice, I work with people to help them discover their natural factors of resilience. I found immense relief when I applied this same posture to my own life. Self-care became less of a checklist, a shopping list, and more of a leaning into my natural capacities.
Through many personal and professional conversations, I developed and adopted the following definition of self-care for myself:
self-care is an intentional act of increasing personal capacity for wellbeing and being fully present in our lives
Sometimes watching TV shows after a long day of work helps me rest and unwind for the next day. Sometimes watching those same TV shows after work is a mechanism to numb me to discomfort. Truly, there is no cookie-cutter self-care regimen that will significantly improve our ability to be present in all situations. The following 4 Postures are not solutions to “better self-care,” rather, I hope these provide a starting point for you to explore what growing your capacity to be fully present in your life can look like.
Your body is speaking. Listen to it.
The field of traumatology has increasingly demonstrated how we carry stress, harm, and trauma within our bodies. What this groundbreaking work from researchers like Dr. Bessel van der Kolk can teach us is that addressing trauma and stress has to include our bodies. The phrase, “trust your gut,” actually holds true when it comes to figuring out how to regulate oneself. This is applicable to any person but is especially relevant for those of us who have experienced traumatic stress. This need to move is not limited to organized sports or exercise classes. It can mean taking a walk, playing with kids, and dancing in your room.
2. We need each other.
Interpersonal neurobiology suggests people are who they are because of relationships. Our relational processes with other people constantly rewire how our brains interpret threat and safety. This means that a hyper-individualized understanding of health actually limits our capacity for wellness. When thinking about caring for yourself, invite other people in. It can be scary, but caring relationships physiologically shift our minds and bodies towards wellness.
3. Embrace discomfort.
Probably the strangest posture to assume in light of our current dialogue on self-care is embracing discomfort. In an attempt to not feel any type of discomfort, we often use stereotypical techniques of self-care to suppress and disengage from what is happening around us. Vulnerability researcher, Dr. Brené Brown, says the following about discomfort and its centrality in increasing our capacity to be present in our lives:
I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.
4. Recognize our collective context.
Western culture tends to define “the self” in terms of the individual person. While this can certainly help with understanding our own personal boundaries and capacities, it is limiting in that it does not consider our environmental, generational, collective, and historical contexts. I am a white, middle class, male in North America. How I navigate the world is significantly different from how others navigate it based on structural and historical factors. Many spiritualities and social movement leaders point towards this interconnectedness of all things. My wellbeing is tied up with those around me and part of my capacity and responsibility of self-care is to widen this circle.
This list is certainly not complete and definitive. There are many voices needing to be heard that I have certainly missed. My ultimate hope is that as a community, we can reclaim self-care and have it include all of us.
Michael Zuch, MSW is an Austrian-American social worker and researcher based in Nashville, Tennessee. He is the creator of The Bearing Witness Project with the mission to equip communities to prevent and heal religious and spiritual trauma.
